I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
