I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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