She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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