i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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