I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
