I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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