i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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