i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
