She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
