You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Is it penis luge time yet?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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