Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
