ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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