My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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