I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
