New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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