you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
