I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
