sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
