Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
if only i could text you this smell
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
