____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Buhtt sex?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Randomize
