Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You are a genius and a whore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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