Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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