OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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