Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
