I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
