I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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