I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
