i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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