There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
