So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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