she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
