i think my tv is drunk
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
