if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
