i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
