grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
