I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
