loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize