3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
