That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
