for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
