So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize