Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
