I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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