Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
