I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
So vagazzling was a success
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
