Say something about gay babies.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
