Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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