You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
