I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
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