U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
