You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just puked most of my soul out..
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
