i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
