Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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