how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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