I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
