An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
