My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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