He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
