I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
