thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize