this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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