I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
