Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
sarcasm needs its own font
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
