rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
