Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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