piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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