Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
