Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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