i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
