OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
