and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
