I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
