We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
