I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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