his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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