do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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