Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you had me at cake vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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