dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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