You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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