New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
