found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize