I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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